Just Jump {Frankenstein’s Grand Finale} – End of the Dear Frankenstein Saga

What happens when your only way out is so final, yet so beautiful?

When the only one you’ve got is your captor, your abuser?

When your chance at a legitimate escape is too far away, when you’ve just got to get away now?

I’ll tell you what happens:

You get a little crazy, a little careless.

You can’t remember all of the people who care for you, the ones who would miss you.

You get selfish.

You can’t see what causes it, so you can’t fix it… this dysfunction.

You know you can’t just change it, because you’re not the only one involved.

So… You run.

The first chance you get, you run.

But there’s no where to go.

You know they’ll come.

You know they’ll find you.

So, you run.

Just until you find a beautiful space.

It’s so beautiful, it might already be heaven.

You’ll find out soon.

It’s a beautiful cliff.

Maybe they’ll think you fell.

It doesn’t matter.

Don’t leave a note;

Let them think what they will.

Jump.

Now’s your chance.

Hear them coming?

They’re closing in.

Quick!

Before they catch you.

This is your last chance to escape.

Jump.

It won’t hurt once you’ve hit the bottom.

It can’t be any worse than everyday.

Do it now,

Before there’s anymore pain.

Don’t start thinking.

They’ll get over you.

Move on without you.

Jump.

Before it’s too late again.

Just jump.

Nothing will ever hurt again.

Quick!

Do it quick!

Jump.

… Just Jump.

*This is the end of a tortured life.*

Turns out…

The bad guys win.

…………

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Home (A Prosy Piece)

I spent my first 8 years calling a prison my home. I spent my next 7 thinking there was no way out. Looking out at the busy world beyond those walls; breathing in the cool night air at 3 AM, when everything was still and quiet. Leaning longingly over that 12th story balcony, thinking maybe, just maybe, I might finally fall. The asphalt below held such promise for me. So, why then, did I call this home? Because I didn’t yet understand that home is a state of mind. That home is not physical or local. Home is not any one place, a house or a town. Home is within us; it’s always there if we can find it. I’m 19 now and I finally understand. I spent the past 3 years searching for something I always had, I just couldn’t see it. No matter where I am or how bad things get I can always go home because: home is the place we care about, it’s the people who love us. Home is the things that make us happy.

Do you know what hate is? True hate? A friend enlightened me. Now, you can’t hate a person, not really, truly hate them; you can fix people. No. A hate, a genuine hate, is a fact or a circumstance or anything you don’t like that you are powerless to change. For so long I thought I hated a person more than anything but I was wrong. If all else failed, I could’ve fixed him. No, my greatest hate, which has been there my entire life, is that… the only homes I have ever known, have never been my own. And, I believe I’ll always carry that with me, that I always hated every place I’ve ever lived; that safety abandoned me when I was young, cutting short the precious age of innocence. My second greatest hate, well… That’s another story all together.

I know now it doesn’t matter where I sleep at night or how much I hate it. As long as I have people who care about me and things that make me happy, even though it’s sometimes hard to remember, I will always have a home. In fact, I have many homes, so I will always have a safe place to land. Home is not the house I live in. Home is not any one zip code or abbreviation. My home is in all of the hearts that hold a piece of mine.

So many people spend their whole lives searching for something they may never find… because they’re looking in all the wrong places. We always look outside ourselves when, oftentimes, the only place to find what we think we need is already there inside of us just waiting to be realized.

My journey, the search for home lasted 19 years. I went from naive to angry to hopeless to crushed to numb to unaware to surprised to smacked in the face with god damn brutal reality. And, actually, angry happened more than once on that ride. But I’m one of the lucky ones. It only took me 19 years to find what I think everybody searches for at one point or another. If you think about it, 19 years feels like eternity while you’re actually living it; especially if you can hardly stand living it. But, once it’s behind you and you can look back… actually, never mind. I just looked back and it was a cruel and brutal and insanely long 19 years. But, I’ve got the rest of my life ahead of me. Or, I could die right this minute. If I live for another 30 years or another 30 seconds, I won’t have died searching. I know where my home is, I found it. I’m a lucky one. I’m lucky not just because I found the true meaning of home while I’m still young, but also because I don’t wish to change the ride that brought me here to this understanding. Sure, the ride was rough, but I’m here now because of it… and I wouldn’t change a thing. Well, I might but I know that if changed anything I wouldn’t be the same person I am now and I’m happy with the person I am now so if I had the chance, I’d pass.

Welcome home. Turns out, no matter where I lived, for the past 4 years, I’ve always been home… I just couldn’t see it. And if you had told me that 10 years ago, when I was 9, I would’ve laughed in your face. Oh well, learning takes time. Sometimes, for the lesson to really stick, you can’t learn from other people’s mistakes; you’ve got to make those mistakes for yourself.

So, it turns out, home is something that no one can ever take away from us. Go figure.

_ _ _ _

I called it prison, they call it home. Oh well, two each his own.

Glory [A Poem]

Freckled and spotted

She stood but a twig

Lost in a forest

Of abandonment

Tires and barbwire

Surround her by day

And at night she suffers

The coyotes cries, not far away

Left with no food

Or water to drink

She stands by a tree

And hopes for relief

Halter grown in

And hooves overgrown

Not a grain in that belly

And left all alone

Withering quick

She stands by her tree

And hopes a kind soul

Will help her to see

There is life still

No matter how grim

Things seem from beneath

This horrid, old tree

This halfhearted twig

Awaits her relief

As the days pass her by

And she writhes with grief

Her name is Glory

All freckled with spots

Like a giant Dalmatian

Trapped in this spot

At the end of her lead

She was finally freed

Not a day too soon

She’ll now find relief

Halfhearted no longer

And happy at last

Whom once was a twig

Knows Glory at last

Halfhearted no longer

And free from that mess

Glory has found relief

At Horse Creek Ranch*

*Horse Creek Ranch is, to the best of my knowledge, a fictional name.

Tick Tock

 

Tick…

Tock…

 

Tick…

Tock…

 

Watch the sand

Pass through the hour glass

Grain by grain

You’re watching it fade

 

Tick…!

Tock…!

 

Your time is up.

 

 

Sometimes it is too late

The fact is

The minutes do fade

 

There’s never forever

Tomorrow might happen

Then again

We may never see the end of today

 

Time keeps running

With or without us

Hard as we try

But we cannot outrun it

There is no way

 

There always will be an end

We never can tell when it will be

But it will be

 

Time runs out

Without a doubt

There’s always an end

Sooner than when…

 

When we like

When we’re ready

When we want?

 

We never know

We never can tell

 

Time is tricky that way

 

It makes us feel like we have forever

Like forever can never end

 

Well guess what

You missed out

Because time ran out

With the last…

 

Tick.

Tock.

 

 

Now I hope you believe

As well as me

That now’s the time

To make it count

 

To live your life

Without any doubt

 

Before your last…

 

Tick…

 

Tock.

Broken Home [A Poem]

Here we go again
No room left to pretend

The word ‘love’
Is just junk
It’s meant to cover up

The scars and the bruises
Of fights day and night
The mental abuses
It just isn’t right

Surviving together
In this torture room
This shattered home
Can provide no room

To breath but to see
Hearts of soot and ash
When the cold took over
It broke them in half

Strangle me
Stab me
Swallow me whole

Spit me out
String me up
Drop me hard down a hole

Let me crash and burn
But never learn
The sins of this home
The lie that is ‘love’

It never ends
Like a carnival ride
Round and round
And up and down

Never let me drown
Just choke for a little while
Then pull me up
And whip my back

Then start again
On the next go round

I can’t get off
This merry-go-round
In Frankenstein’s carnival
No mercy can be found

Like jungle cats
We fight in silence
Tearing to shreds
‘Til it rains down red

The acid in the blood
Which pours like a flood
Burns my wounded back
Where you whipped me
As revenge for my subtle attack

I knew by now
You could be so cruel
But to turn your back
Your subtle attack
For a simple question
I need not have asked

The silence ringing in my ears
It’s scathing tone buries me whole
In soot and ash
And prolongs your attack

All the shards
From the windows and walls
Of our broken home
They envelope my soul
And take me into the fold

Bury me in this mold
As the one who couldn’t go

Freeze me in time
As the failure
Who couldn’t get out
To save her own soul

But chained to a wall
She fell through the floor
She rotted away

Had she ever been there at all?

The victim of a broken home
The subtle abuses
They ate through her soul

Not breathing but seeing
The monster’s true form
Left on her own
In this permanently broken home

Can’t live with
Can’t afford to live without

Then die together
In the torture room
Of this irrevocably broken home

……

Round and round
On the merry-go-round
Frankenstein’s carnival
Has taken you down

Sleep [A Poem]

When I Sleep……

Nightmares haunt me in my sleep

And chase away the pleasant dreams

One by one they steal my sleep

And leave me with a need to flee

These mares they have an evil plan

To steal the sleep from all the land

And as they charge into my dreams

They steal the peace I need to sleep

I lay down now to feed the need

To rest my eyes, I need the sleep

Sandman come and storm near me

I need your help

To get my sleep

Tempest bless me with your clock

Tick and Tock

Please make time stop

Wind and rain and thunder strong

Cease my mind and lull me along

Mother Nature hear my plea

Keep me safe, watch over me

Give me wings to reach my dreams

But keep me safe from these dangerous things

The night mares

They still come for me

But now they find I can’t be reached

At last I find a peaceful sleep

With all of thee protecting me

Come now and stay by me

Provide me with

A good night’s sleep

But let it end at daylight’s break

I am alive

My soul is safe

Look At That Face!

Look At That Face!

Before I was yours there was a time when I could not go outside. I would stay all day in this concrete cage and the days would pass me by. Many people scuffled through this dark and dusty place; each time they looked but passed me by for a softer, younger face.

For three long years, here I'd wait in this cold decrepit place. Just waiting for the day you'd come and say 'Look at that face!' Through all this time I wagged my tail, hoping and believing that someday you would come and see far past my size and wrinkles.

At my first home... There, they were nice, until two weeks past and twice my size. They didn't foresee my growth or my playful puppy ways. They didn't account for training, or the messes I might make so here I was left to stay in this cold concrete cage. Until the day you came and said 'Look at that face!'

Now here I am today, in this sunny grassy place. I fetch and I obey at the moment that you say. Soon we go inside to the comfy furnished space where you lay down on your bed and I stretch out by your side. You stroke my head, I wag my tail and here we say no more, for here I am today; happy, healthy, and forever home.

A Note From The Author:::...
All of my fur-babies are rescues. I feel the ones who've had a difficult life appreciate and treasure our love more. You'll have a lot to learn about a rescue fur-baby but it's well worth it for the love they give back to you.